Saturday, June 11, 2011

It's official! I am the worst blogger ever!!!

I know, I know. The worst. Ok, I get it. No arguments from here. I have no excuses for not updating except that life is keeping us busy, too busy. Life is a little overwhelming right now. By the end of the evening when everyone is in bed I am just ready to chill out, alone, regroup. I haven't been able to muster up the energy to blog. I admit it. I am spent. I feel defeated at times. I see families with many more kids than we have but still manage to do it all. Working, side businesses, more activities than we do, church, family trips, awesome blogs, etc.... How come I can't manage to do it with such ease? I struggle with this daily. I feel guilty. I Feel like I need to do more for myself & family but don't have the time or energy. Why do I feel guilty? I need to get over that. It is not like we have nothing going on. Our plates are full. Over flowing even. Between speech therapy, preschool, competitive traveling cheer leading, guitar lessons, school, homework, doctors appt, working 24 hrs every weekend in Boston (opposite of my husband's schedule, we are two ships passing in the night), husband gone 12 hrs/day M-F at work in Boston, house duties, yard/garden duties, family, friends....Blah, blah, blah. I used to feel very organized, on top of everything with two children. Now with three children & working every weekend I can't seem to get it together. I don't like this feeling. Don't get me wrong. I do feel blessed with our life, marriage, family, health, house, etc. I am so thankful for the abundance of good in our lives. Things could be far worse than complaining about feeling overwhelmed. I get that. I guess I just need to come to grips with the fact that right now things may be out of sorts for a while. Maybe someday I will feel organized & put together again. One can hope.......

Now with all that said this next statement will make you think I am crazy, have lost it, gone bananas, loco, nuts. You ready? I want to adopt again. I look at children from China needing families everyday on adoption websites. A piece of my heart was left in China when we adopted Lily. I want to do it again. I often wonder if we can do it again physically, financially, emotionally. I don't know if we can. I can't stop feeling like we need to do this again. Adopting one more child will not change the statistics of the 147 million orphans in the world. It will drastically change the life of that one child though. Now I just need to get my husband on board. This will not be an easy task. He is feeling more overwhelmed than I am. I can only pray he will open his heart one more time to adoption. Right now I don't think it is in our family's immediate future or ever . Again, one can hope...... I will leave this post with a few pictures of the last few months.

Lily helping plant the garden.

Smelling the Lilacs. These truly are my favorite flower. I just love them. IF we were to adopt again, I would love to name our next 4 year old daughter Lila. (Yes, I have this all planned out in my head! I know, I am crazy! I can dream.)

Gavin on his dirt bike. He has grown so much this last year. Truly an official teenager. He is almost as tall as my 6 foot tall husband & wears a size 11 men's shoe at the age of 13.

Tu-tus almost everyday in this house. So cute.

My nephew Carter just turned 1 today. He has got to be THE cutest kid around. I just love him so much. I watch him 2 days a week on Mondays & Tuesdays. I think I kiss him a million times a day. I just can't help it.

Sophie is the 4th girl from the left. Not the best picture of her with some of her cheer team. She competed on two teams this year. We are very proud of her. This was a big time commitment for our family this year. Wish I had a better recent picture. Again, feeling defeated......UGH!

We went to Disney in March with friends that we met in China while we adopted our girls. So nice to see them again. We had a great, exhausting time.

Lily was in Princess Heaven!

Skiing in February. I think this was at Loon Mountain. Maybe Gunstock. Can't remember.

Lily waiting for a train ride at Gunstock.

Lily's first ski lesson with "Brian". She still talks about him even now. She was very proud of herself.

Chinese New Year. The whole family was there. Gavin & Sophie were around but with friends. So hard to get a picture of us all these days. Teenagers. Not so cooperative.