Tuesday, March 30, 2010

So much to say.............

I don't know where to begin. So much has happened in the past month. I am at a loss of how to start this post. I guess I will start with what has consumed us emotionally this last month. Anthony's Mom (Nickie) passed away unexpectedly on February 28th. She has lived with us for the past 12 years, ever since our oldest child was 5 months old. She was an intricate part of our family and helped us raise our children. She was a wonderful person and will be missed immensely.

As I write this, tears stream down my face (a frequent occurrence this last month). It is still very hard to imagine our household without her. Reality hasn't quite sunk in yet. I still feel she will walk around the corner and kiss one of my children or share an amazing meal she has prepared. I miss her laugh. I miss her ridiculous gossip. I just miss her. I won't claim to have had a perfect relationship with her. The relationship I did have with her was a nice one though. We knew each other very well after living together for 12 years. We were respectful of one another. Anthony and I always said if we had to make the decision over again to have her live with us we would without hesitation. She was a wonderful grandmother to our children. That is Priceless. Our older children will always have those wonderful memories of living so closely to her (physically and emotionally). I thanked her for that. We just wish Lily could have had those memories too.

Her in-law apartment is left untouched. Her place mat is still on the table. Her bed is still turned down for the night. Her clothes are still in the dryer. The thought of her not being there makes me cry every time. I am hoping time will help heal our broken hearts. We miss her so much.

I need to get myself together here. My children will be off the bus momentarily. So much else has happened since Nickie's passing. I will share soon with the next post.